Mummy Parody
by Evie of the Nile
Summary: I hope no one's offended by my poking fun at the characters of the Mummy. So don't vent out on me if you don't like this cause it's just for fun. If you're going to take it seriously, I suggest you don't read it. please R&R. Merci


AUTHOR: Evie of the Nile

DATE: Jan. 1 2002

NOTE: don't get offended. Just poking fun at the O'Connell's foibles. Hee hee hee, foible's such a funny word, like pancake. Any-who, if you don't like funny fics go now!! Go, run Simba, run away and never return Sorry, wrong movie

Synopsis: (summary is just such a boring word) my mummy parody of all the O'Connells (get ready for this) foibles!! (HA HA HA HA HA) AH HECK! it's gunna be a musical too!

Rick stooped down to pick up the last of Alex's toys. For such a small little boy he sure made a big mess of things. This made Rick smile. 'Oh well', he thought 'he shouldn't be up for another 2 hours or so'. Rick had just put Alex down for his nap.

Just then Rick heard the familiar sound of his wife's heels come into the parlor on the tiled floor. Rick stood up.

"For the love of God Jonathan! Take her clothes off!" Rick yelled out as he shielded his eyes.

"Alright" Jonathan said and started to peel down the skirt.

"No! no, put it back on! Jebus Jonathan, did you wear those out in the public again? Someone's gunna beat you one of these days! You can't just dress in drag and walk around in public you know."

"Oh, O'Connell, I bet you've done your share of roll playing" Jonathan laughed as he punched O'Connell in the arm. "Am I right? Huh?" He punched Rick again.

"Well," Rick started to giggle.

"I knew it, you and Evie dressed in each others clothes, yeah?" Jonathan chuckled."

Rick all of a sudden forced a straight face. "You in a dress. Oh I wonder what you would look like in a dress, O'Connell." Jonathan continued. 

Rick punched him in the gut. "Shut up!" He yelled at Jonathan as Jonathan doubled over in pain.

The two of them heard footsteps and they looked over to see Alex come walking down in his little one piece footie jamies. Jonathan used this time to escape. He ran out the front door.

"Hey buddy. Couldn't get to sleep? Did the monsters under your bed keep you up?" Rick asked in a baby voice. 

"No" Alex answered.

"Then what's wrong?" Rick asked as he pulled Alex onto his knee and bounced him up and down.

"Daddy?" Alex asked.

"Yes?" Rick asked.

"I'm 15 for cripes sake! Why do I still have to take a nap??" Alex yelled. 

"Alex, I don't think your mommy would like to hear you talking like this."

"But!" Alex yelled.

"nope!" Rick said closing his eyes and looking the other way.

"But dad!" Alex tried.

"No, I don't wanna hear it!" Rick said still looking the other way.

"But, but da-"

"Go off to bed!" Rick interrupted.

"Bu-" 

"Now! No ifs or buts about it!"

Reluctantly Alex got up and dragged his feet up stairs.

Just then Evie came in. all Rick heard was those shoes again. 

"Jonathan! I swear! If you're still wearing my wifes…"

"your wife's what?" Evie asked as she walked in.

"Oh, nothing." Rick smiled as she walked over. 

He took her in his arms. "Oh Evie, I love you" He said.

"I know" Evie responded as she leaned into him and rested her head on his chest.

"You know what I really love?" He asked.

"What?" 

"your hair. What shampoo do you use?" 

She pulled back with a disgusted confused look on her face. "Oh Rick! I was wondering when you'd ask! When you first stopped having baths I thought it was just a little phase. But after 5 months I was starting to get confused!" She backed away and a bunch of Black and Red robed men with turbans on walked in. One pushed over a swivel chair and Evie sat in it.

The lights dimmed…slowely…to darkness. The barely audible voice of Evie protruded through the darkness. "I use Herbal Essence of course." 

The lights flicked on, blue purple green and red lights beamed across the parlour. Evie started;

"I've got the urge!"

Then the corus;

"She's got the urge to herbal!" the men picked up the chair and carried her around the room as they sung. 

~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alex had enough of this. He got out of his crib and took off his jamies. He then put on some real clothes and climbed out of the window.

He then ran. He didn't know where he was going. He just kept running, down the street, then through the town, the city, and to the outskirts of London. It was the evening until he finally saw someone. 

Actually he hit someone. While he was looking back he ran into them. It was a man in grubby clothes carrying a pack over his shoulder.

"G'day mate. Hope I didn't scare you?" When Alex stopped screaming like a girl he was fine. The man helped him up.

"Who are you?"

"I'm Ean." Just then a bunch of pigeons landed on the telephone wires around then and started singing an odd little tune.

Ean started singing;

"Traveling in a fried-out combie

On a hippie trail, head full of zombie

I met a strange lady, she made me nervous

She took me in and gave me breakfast

And she said,

Do you come from a land down under?

Where women glow and men plunder?

Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?

You better run, you better take cover.

Buying bread from a man in Brussels

He was six foot four and full of muscles

I said, "Do you speak-a my language?"

He just smiled and gave me a vegemite sandwich

And he said,

I come from a land down under

Where beer does flow and men chunder

Can't you hear, can't you hear the thunder?

You better run, you better take cove--"

"SHUT UP!" Alex yelled. The birds all flew away and the Aussie was still.

"I'm Alex. I live here, well not here. I ran away." 

"Oh, mate, why'd you run away?" Ean asked kneeling and putting his hand on Alex's shoulder.

Alex back up, "don't call me that." 

"What?"

"Mate! My God! What are you?"

"That's the term we Aussies always use. It means 'friend'."

Alex looked at the man in question for a moment. "Alright" He said. "I ugh, ran away cause my parents don't understand me. My dad thinks I'm a baby."

"Oh, he doesn't think you're a baby. He just loves you!" Ean responded.

"Really?" Alex asked.

"Yes, and he's probably worried sick about you. Let's get you home."

"OK." Alex said with a smile.

"Do you want a piggy back ride?" Ean asked.

"ugh, no thanks." Alex said.

"Want on my shoulders?"

"No."

"I'll carry you."

"NO!"

"OK, OK, calm down." the tow of them started out along the road in the opposite direction as Alex had come. Ean tried to hold his hand but Alex had to pull it away…twice.

~~~~~~~~~~

Jonathan had good thoughts about this. He had his sister's good cocktail dress on. He walked into the bar with his head held high and his purse on his arm. 

"Hello ma'am. What would you like?" 

"Nothing, I'm waiting for a date.": He smiled and fluttered his lashes.

~~~~~~~~

After Evie and Rick were done doing what they were doing, whatever they were doing. They were getting very hungry. Why they were hungry? We don't know… just because it fits into the story much easier.

"Rick!" Evie called out.

"What do you want for dinner? Chicken?"

"No, we have chicken all the time. Go out to the live animal pen in the back yard and get one of the exotic animals.

Evie put on her rubber gloves and went out to the holding pen. 

"Away from the gate!" She yelled to the pig and meerkat that were clung onto the bars of the door. The both skuttled away.

She opened the gate and grabbed the pig by the tail and the meerkat around the torso. 

"That's Mr. Pig to you!" 

"What?" Evie asked.

"She just called me a pig!" 

"So what? You are a pig!" 

"NO I'm not!"

"You're right."

"I am?"

"yeah, you're gunna get fried."

"whoa whoa whoa! I'm smarter then I look! And cute, real cute. Good for picking up guys, which is a good thing. Unless of course you're already taken. Married down, and getting yourself screwed by a man!"

"You're the first one going into the pot."

Just the meerkat spoke up.

"Oh, thank you ma'am. I gravel at your feet!"

"You're after him."

"You think you know a gal!" 

"What are you saying?" Eive asked.

"Look at me, look at him, afraid. I can see what's happening"

"What?"

"And you don't have a clue!"

"Me?"

"You'll cook us up and here's the bottom line. I gotta take a poooooooooo"

"Oh my God1 you're going first!"

"Ha ha, Timon, you really screwed yourself up there!" Pumbaa laughed.

~~~~~~~~

"So how'd you get here anyway?" Alex asked Ean.

"Oh, does it really matter? All that matters is that you and I are here, and OK."

"What?" Alex asked. 

"Oh, nothing." Ean responded.

"Right, well this is my house… so, I guess I'll see you around?" 

"Yeah, well bye." 

"Wait Alex!" Ean called after him "Hold out your finger."

Alex held out his pointing finger. As did Ean. Their fingers touched and there was a pulse of electricity that flowed through Alex's hand.

"I'll always remember you Elliot." Ean said.

Alex couldn't respond. Ean finally pulled back his finger and Alex stopped shaking.

Ean turned around and the large crocodile ship landed and opened its mouth. Ean walked into the mouth and turned around just as Evie and Rick ran out.

"Good bye Alex, Rick, Evelyn." Ean said as the mouth snapped shut and the crocodile flew away.

The End

If my popular demand people request a second parody (then we can find out what happened to Jonathan) then I will make one. This is a tester to see how you guys take these stories. 


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